Dake Bible Discussion BoardBREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

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BREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

Post by Spiritblade Disciple » Sat Jun 25, 2016 11:36 am

http://babylonbee.com/news/dispensation ... exit-vote/
Dispensationalists Frantically Adjust End-Times Charts To Include Brexit Vote
June 24, 2016

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WORLD—As Great Britain voted in favor of a motion to leave the European Union, premillenial dispensationalists around the world held emergency meetings Friday morning, frantically adjusting their prophetic charts to include the completely unanticipated new development.

“We’re thinking of calling this one ‘The Brexit Dispensation,'” Tim LaHaye told reporters as he hastily altered his precise wall charts to account for the new information. “We had previously thought that Saddam Hussein would be the one to usher in the one-world government, but that’s looking less likely now, so we’re going to make some official adjustments.” LaHaye added that the European Union might not be ushering in an age of one-world government after all, unfortunately.

Meanwhile in California, prophecy expert Dr. David Jeremiah of Shadow Mountain Community Church reportedly made an emergency early-morning phone call to Texas pastor John Hagee. “John, have you seen the news? This isn’t in any of the tables!” he is said to have screamed into the phone. After calming Jeremiah down, Hagee reportedly consulted a series of lunar charts taped across his bedroom walls and surmised that the Brexit decision had actually been accurately predicted by Halley’s Comet in 1986, before proceeding to scribble some corrections on his favorite eschatological timeline in red marker.

“We totally missed it!” Hagee told reporters as he explained his new chart at a Friday afternoon press conference. “It just goes to show when you’re not extremely careful about building your theology around current events and astrological signs, even the experts can make a mistake.”

Hagee further stated that he would have an exhaustive new book covering these developments released within a few months, tentatively titled Brexit: Dispensation of Doom.

— The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.


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Ironman
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Re: BREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

Post by Ironman » Sat Jun 25, 2016 4:23 pm

Big Bangs Sheldon would be about as accurate as anyone trying to pick a time? "Don't you think if I were wrong, I'd know it? I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested." :fadein:


Galatians 4: 16, Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

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Re: BREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

Post by macca » Sun Jun 26, 2016 2:38 am

No wonder they hate Dake, his books Revelations expounded, The Rapture and the Second coming, God's plan for Man and his bible notes on the end times
have not needed an update ever.......



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Ironman
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Re: BREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

Post by Ironman » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:54 pm

macca wrote:No wonder they hate Dake, his books Revelations expounded, The Rapture and the Second coming, God's plan for Man and his bible notes on the end times
have not needed an update ever.......
:angel: Because the Dake publications are founded on the Word of God.


Galatians 4: 16, Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

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Re: BREXIT! Dispensationalists Frantically Adjusting Charts!

Post by branham1965 » Thu Jun 30, 2016 5:43 am

they sure were.

and the Reverend had

HE HAD A GOD GIVEN SPECIAL ANOINTING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT TO QUOTE AND KNOW VERSES HE NEVER READ IN HIS LIFE!!!!!
LIKE RIVERS OF LIVING WATERS THEY POURED OUT OF HIM.HE HAD A DIVINE SUPERNATURAL GIFT FROM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TO RIGHTLY DIVIDE THE WORD OF TRUTH.
AND HE SURE DID.

that bothers some folks.but it the absolute truth.


Ironman wrote:
macca wrote:No wonder they hate Dake, his books Revelations expounded, The Rapture and the Second coming, God's plan for Man and his bible notes on the end times
have not needed an update ever.......
:angel: Because the Dake publications are founded on the Word of God.



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